Sunday, December 11, 2005

At The Movies in Excelsior

The Excelsior Movie Theater, located I/2 block from the lake front, is called “the Dock”. Not too bad of a name for a town with “Water Street” as its main street, Lake Street another, and “Frog Island” located in the middle of the main bay. This week’s docked movies are your standard fare; the downwardly spiraling “Harry Potter and the Gob of Fire”, and the upwardly rising messianic “Chronicles of Narnia. The Lion, the Witch, and an Armoire”. Mystical special effects least they are not remakes. I propose these topical remakes of Christmas classics:

1. Rudolf RNR: The Frosty Connection.
Good Santa, Bad Santa interrogate Rudolf to discover that he is a member of the Shining Path. Numerous unsceduled stops to La Paz were the tip off. Second in line in seniority, Blitzen, is of little comfort as a back up. Bad S. engages in a spectacular chase scene with Frosty through the Andes.

2. It's A Wonderful Life - Hit Me!
A savings-and-loan manager struggles against a greedy banker and his own self-doubting nature in a small town. Eventually manager George Bailey recognizes his life as wonderful and truly rich, after the endearing trainee-angel Clarence convinces George to open an Indian Gaming Casino. Magically George qualifies with proof of his Algonquin Heritage.

3. A Christmas Karl
Union Boss “Tiny Tim” threatens Ebeneezer’s struggling Leg-Prosthesis Manufacturing Plant with a “Sick Out’ unless his Union’s contract demands are met. At night 3 acountants visit Scrooge.


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