Sunday, January 11, 2009

An Interview On Ice: Minnetonka Break-ins Exposed!

Ice shanties spring up and dot Lake Minnetonka. Every year these little communities arise from frozen terr-unfirma. The ice is 4-5 inches thick and the pointy 6" augers are out in force. I wander out, onto this lawless land where a man is a man, and his fish house is...well, his fish house. I cruise up, in my much-snickered-at aging purple VW Beetle Turbo, to a close cluster of one room shanties surrounded in protective fashion by extended cab pickup trucks and range rovers.

Mainstream Minnetonkascenes: "Hi guys, how’s fishing?”

Ice fisherman: “Hi, - you’re parked on top of my floater”

Mainstream Minnetonkascenes looks, and sure enough, his VW's front wheels are resting on a bulky, not-at-all-stylish looking thermal floater jacket. Sorry, I will just back it up a bit”

Ice fisherman. “Ya thanks, what do you want any way?”

Mainstream Minnetonkascenes: Well, frankly I heard that you guys have had a few break-ins out here. And I was wondering what you could tell me about them - give me the skinny”

Ice fisherman: “Ya sure, well, the other night some duffusses broke into a group of ice houses off Big Island and took a couple flat screen TVs and a full cooler. A FULL COOLER! - The TV was an old didn’t even have a converter box. Won’t be worth nothin' in a couple weeks. Good luck you duffusses.”

Mainstream Minnetonkascenes: “Still, I bet that pissed you off... you gonna kill em if you catch em?”

Ice fishermen: “I doubt it, might use em for bait though.”

Mainstream Minnetonkascenes; “Hennepin County authorities says they’re really more concerned about an over reaction by ice fishermen. They say you should empty your houses at night and leave a deli tray - you would do it for Santa”

Ice house fisherman: “I doubt it both ways. Might punch em though..... duffusses go and take a guy’s cooler, and tackle.....oh, don’t even get me going on the missing tackle!”

Mainstream Minnetonkascenes: ...So you’re really going to shoot em?”

Ice fishermen: ”Are you listening?. - Hey, your foot is in my minnow and tackle bucket! I use em both you know.”

Mainstream Minnetonkascene: ",hey how's fishing?"

Ice fishermen: ‘Pretty good caught a couple bass and a walleye today. Was slow for a while, but at sundown they really get up and going”

Mainstream Minnetonka begs: ”.... er, you’re actually gonna shoot em if you catch them, aren’t you?
... Hey! What is that guy doing to my tires?”


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