Wednesday, September 02, 2009

A Universal Garage Door Story

Part One: Space, time and sheet metal.

As we backed our car out of the driveway I squeezed the remote and watched my garage door begin its descent. I have often been confused by Steven Hawking's diagrams of the shape of the universe, as it expands and collapses upon itself in a conical shape.
It seem "space" moves at different rates of speed. As I watched my garage door descend, the left side moved at a brisk rate ever downward to an ultimate conclusion. The right side however, moved at a much slower speed, then stopped completely in an obstinate "no black hole for me!" attitude. The ensuing " fan/accordion shape" gave me new insights into quantum physics, and necessitated the purchase of new garage door. A long, corrugated downspout extension had lodged into the garage door channel. I am blaming neutrinos and squirrels.
Eureka! $900.00.

Part Two: Parking in a parallel universe.

The contractor would arrive between 12 noon and 2, a new garage door in tow. I left work and arrived home at noon..... and waited. Impatient, at 2 o'clock I placed a call. A reassuring voice said: "He's running a bit late". I waited. Another 45 minutes of time passes through the continuum and I call again. "He's on his way, should be there shortly". .............
More time passed, and I mulled over a few quadratic equations, then place another call.
The voice at the other end seemed puzzled; " He should be there".
I hung up the phone. I had an insight, I put on my shoes, and hustled out the door.
There, hidden behind a hedge, in my neighbors dirveway, was the contractor's pick up with topper. The industrious young man had already removed my neighbor's complete garage door and was beginning installtion of my brand new door... on the neighbor's garage.
I jumped through a mental time portal back to reality, and getting the attention of the young man, I pointed to my house.

Just then his cell phone rang.


3 1/2 hours later I had a new garage door.



Blogger Screenpunk said...

lol, i cant remember how many times spacetime curvature delivered me at wrong garagedoors

9:01 AM  

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